Little Cotton Rabbits

Some personal thoughts on the effect of lockdown

 

If you've been a regular visitor here for a while, you'll know that my blog posts sometimes become a bit less frequent and that it's often a sign that things are not going too well with my son Toby. The truth is that I am struggling a little at the moment due to the accumulative effect of lockdown on Toby and our family. I've gone into more detail below but I don't expect everyone will want to read that. In part it helps me to write it down and I think it helps others in the same position - I know many other parents who regularly experience violent behaviour from their special needs child and it does help to know you're not the only one going through this. 

Anyway, there's no requirement to read further,  I do however hope that everyone will enjoy the pictures here of the English countryside in early summer :) Walking on my own with my camera lifts my spirits - quietly paying attention to the sounds of birdsong and the wind in the trees, the smells of earth and flowers, the feel of the sun on my skin, and clearing my mind of everything but what I'm experiencing in that moment. And I truly hope that you have something in your life that brings you a similar sense of peace and pleasure, whatever struggles you are or have been going through xxx

PS: I may not be blogging as regularly as before but normal knitting service will resume soon. I have got more patterns planned and I have all those knitted dogs that I'm slowly finishing off and, because it's been so long since I last did one, I think a giveaway is on the cards.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The effect of Lockdown on Toby, a non-verbal 19 year old with autism, severe learning difficulties and extreme behavioural issues:

At the moment Toby is actually fairly well settled, he's back at school and that has helped him enormously. However at the beginning of lockdown last year things were very different. It was a tough time for him (and for us) as all of a sudden every routine underpinning his world stopped at once.

Toby is non-verbal and has severe learning difficulties along with his autism, which means he could not ask what was happening or understand why he could no longer go to school or his respite club, or go swimming or eat in McDonalds.  We couldn't help him to understand for how long this would last, nor could we lessen the extreme anxiety that this change brought him. As a result his behaviour deteriorated badly and he started having big dramatic meltdowns and self injuring much more frequently. He also started being violent to us, and let me say that being afraid of your child hurting you is a very difficult thing to deal with. We've been through a patch like this before when he was 10, but he was smaller than me then and not as strong. Nowadays he's 6 ft tall, 14 stone and very strong indeed, and once he gets a grip on you there's no breaking free. Everyone who has worked with Toby knows him as a gentle giant, and when everything in his universe is predictable and familiar he really is, and although he is very sensitive and easily upset, he is usually most likely to hurt himself when he is distressed and not others. So the fact that he has physically hurt us numerous times is an indication of the depth of his distress caused by the monumental changes to his daily life.

One of the things I've found hardest is trying not to react to the physical pain and emotional hurt. If I cry out in pain or burst into tears Toby becomes even more distressed and his self injuring then escalates, biting his hand with all his might and punching himself in the head - perhaps indicating some understanding that he's done something wrong or that he feels bad in some way at causing pain and distress. So after he's lashed out at me I check that he's safe where he is and remove myself from the situation, go off for a little cry and rub some arnica into my bruises, make a cup of tea and try and supress my emotions so that we can dissipate the intense situation and move on with our day. In this kind of daily crisis you just do what you can to get through it and you try not to wonder about how long it will last. You close off the day at bedtime and open a new one each morning, trying to stay positive and hopeful that the day will be a better one. And I am relieved to now be able to say that the days are much better recently and now that he is settled back into the routine of school again, he's much calmer overall, despite some of his favourite activities still being off limits.

But, the experience has taken it's toll on me and I'm feeling less resilient, less hopeful about the future and rather worn down and depleted. It's making daily life hard some days and even knitting has lost a little of it's pleasure for me at the moment. I know that I'll be OK in time but that's something we no longer have much of, as we're now in the last ever 5 weeks of Toby's school life - he leaves towards the end of July, after almost 15 years in the same severe learning difficulty school and frankly I am terrified about the change that this will bring. I feel that life has taken on the ominous quality of living in the eye of a storm - the stresses and difficulties caused by the lockdown mostly behind us, and ahead of us the uncertainty and adjustments of a whole new routine, as Toby leaves the safe familiarity of school behind.

There is hope however. In September he will start a 2 year college course for young adults with severe learning difficulties, called Learning for Living. He'll have 1:1 support there and will go 4 days a week in term time. Once he has settled there (and we know it will be rocky to start with) we hope that we'll have a little more calm time before the biggest challenge of all, which will come after he leaves college.

I was once so very certain that after school and college Toby would stay living with us for as long as we were healthy enough to care for him and that we would fill his life with everything that he enjoys and takes pleasure from, forming our daily routine around his needs as we always have. I think that lockdown has frightened me so much because it has shaken my faith in that certainty and introduced the possibility that we may not be able to cope if factors outside of our control remove our ability to provide what he needs. My aim for now is to try and leave thoughts of the future for when it arrives and try to focus on finding small and fortifying pleasures in my days so that I can get myself back on an even keel and be useful to Toby when he's going to need me most.

Thanks so much for reading x

 

Little Cotton Rabbits Dogs Patterns

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here are my new patterns for 9 inch (23cms) tall knitted dogs, and I cannot tell you how delighted and relieved I am to be pressing 'publish' on these today. This has been one of the most challenging projects that I've ever worked on. The patterns themselves are not difficult to knit but my part,  putting everything together with the layout and ordering of all the different options that I've included, has been a complete headache. Still, I am happy at last with the outcome and now I will be having some down-time to celebrate finishing. I've still not made it out to the orchard and the bluebell wood this year so those are top of my list of things to do next week.

So, as usual there are 2 versions (available on Ravelry, Etsy and later today also on Lovecrafts);

• a dog in a dress which has knitted on panties, socks and shoes and the choice of 2 dresses, one knitted with a cabled chain texture in a single colour and another knitted in two colours with a simple, stranded swag design.
• a dog in a sweater and shorts, which has a bare body and legs and comes with removable shorts and a choice of 2 sweaters, one knitted with a mock cable texture and the other in a simple 2 colour texture which is a lot easier to knit than it looks.

Both of these options contain the same multiple options for different dog breeds, so there's no need to purchase both unless you really want to. As usual you can combine body parts from my other patterns, as they are the same size as my regular animal patterns (9 inches, 23cms tall) so clothes from my other existing regular sized animal patterns and the extra clothing sets will also fit these.

The patterns contain a single basic head shape with 8 different colour-work treatments and this combined with 7 different styles of ear gives you a lot of options to make different breeds of dogs.

So far I have made the following breeds and I still have a few ideas to play with that I'll post here in the future; Labrador, Beagle, Spaniel, Dalmatian, Alsatian, Dobermann, Rottweiler, Dachshund, Pug, Boston Terrier, French Bulldog, Border Collie, Husky, Jack Russell, West Highland White Terrier, and quite a few of mixed parentage :)

In short it's a very comprehensive set of instructions that will enable you to make many different types of dog.

If you give it a go I hope you'll come and share your project on Ravelry or the Facebook group or perhaps on both - it would be lovely to see what you make from the pattern, and I'm so looking forward to seeing the first projects emerge.

And as always, I hope the new patterns give a little pleasure and enjoyment, happy knitting, J xxx

 

Recapping April

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello again and sorry it's been so long. April was mostly taken up with the school Easter break and so was full on Toby-time for me. We had a good few weeks though, with wood walks featuring heavily. Spring has taken hold here and sprinkled the countryside with blossoms and blooms. Most of the ones pictured here are now finished for the season as they were the first of the spring flowers; blackthorn blossom, wild daffodils, wood anemones and primroses. I'm happy that I managed to see most of them at their best this year, though it did mean getting up at dawn and heading out with my camera while Toby was still sleeping, as he really doesn't tolerate me stopping to take photos on our joint wood walks.

Since the start of the school term I've had another thing keeping me busy, as you'll see in the last picture :)  I've been working on this dogs pattern intensely since the beginning of the year and it's been growing weekly in terms of the number of options for different breeds. I'll give you full details once it's finished and ready, but so far I've knitted a total of 57 different heads. The pattern is mostly written up and part of it is already in testing, so it won't be too long before it will be ready to share. 'Til then I'm off to work on it some more, I hope to be back here a little more regularly now that most of the hard work is done, see you again soon, J x

 

springtime

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This morning I went out into the garden in my pyjamas with my early morning cuppa and walked with bare feet on the dew damp grass. Because I'm trying to conjure up a romantic image I'll gloss over the fact that I had to look very carefully before stepping, in order to ensure I didn't tread in any fox poo! The point is that the morning was warm and inviting enough for me to want to walk barefooted on damp grass and that's because at last Spring has arrived here. One of my favourite Spring things is the dawn chorus and to stand rooted in stillness and listen to the liquid golden sound of a robin or blackbird singing in daybreak is a joyful way to start any day.

The blossom on the old plum tree has been spectacular this year (I'm predicting a deluge of plums later in the year) and has been a magnet to bees, hoverflies and a few butterflies emerging from hibernation.

I've been knitting, oh so much knitting, but I can't show you most of it just yet because it's all for the new pattern that I'm working on and is not yet ready to reveal. Though I have also been trying to make a little lamb to celebrate Easter this coming weekend - hopefully I'll get her finished in time. Her dress colours are inspired by these beautiful tulips - I don't often buy cut flowers but found these irresistible.

Lastly, the reason I have to watch my step while walking on the grass has been our usual daily visitor. We've not yet seen any sign of Kit's cubs for this year but she's taking food away each time she visits, so I'm convinced that at least some have survived the very cold snap that was here when they were born. She remains as wild and cautious as ever but is content to sit 6 feet away from me and let me photograph her while she's waiting for a snack.

I hope life has been kind to you this last month, and that the feeling of hope that has been creeping into my heart with the advancement of spring has found a home with you too xxx

 

On the cusp of spring

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This year it has felt like winter has lingered longer than usual, but there is at last a feeling of seasonal change here. Spring is definitely in the air, which has warmed appreciably from two weeks ago, when there were still traces of snow on the ground, showing up the tracks of Kit the fox all around the chicken run. On my walk today the touch of the breeze was pleasant rather than painful, with no need for bundling under woolly layers to keep out the chill and the bright sun was warming and very welcome. Although the woods are still wreathed in browns and greys and remain bare twigged, the leaf buds are starting to swell and it won't be long until they burst open with joyous green.

Birdsong is building in the early mornings, which is a lovely way to greet the day and is usually started by high clear notes from the robin. The pigeons bill and coo along the length of the fence and the bluetits are darting to and from the nest box, not yet bringing in nesting material but definitely behaving like prospective buyers.

Spring feels especially welcome this year and I'm daydreaming about the longer days to come, picnics, knitting in the garden, wearing short-sleeves and enjoying the feel of the sun of bare skin. Winter hasn't been all dull and dismal though, the skies have provided lots of splendid colour; whether it's been tightly focused in the curve of a rainbow or splashed across the whole sky in technicolour sunsets. And there is always colour inside in my knitting bag. I'm working on lots of new patterns at the moment, cabled sweaters, new animals and a few other ideas are being played around with. As always I'll keep you posted with more details once they're all further along and ready to share.

Lastly there's foxy news from the garden. Kit has had her third litter of cubs. We don't know where her den is but it must be close by as she's popping in daily for snacks. I knew that she was pregnant as I saw (and heard!) her mating in the early morning light on December 19th and throughout February she has grown obviously and progressively more bulbous around the middle. It's most likely that the cubs were born between February 10th-14th as she didn't come to visit at all on those days and when she arrived on the 15th she was no longer looking pregnant. It was the worst possible time of the year as Feb 10th was the coldest night for quite a few years with temperatures down to -7. I'm hoping that the cubs have all survived and are flourishing now the days are warmer and I'm wondering if we'll get to meet them later in the spring once they're old enough to venture out of the den. I shall make sure that I have my camera battery fully charged and ready, I'd love another morning like the one I had last year when Kit brought her cubs to visit for the first time :)

I hope there's a little in your life right now to lift your spirits and that you have a good weekend ahead. See you soon xx