Sometimes you need to make a conscious effort to slow down and indulge yourself in a little quiet time and that's what I'm doing today. Today will be a pyjama day - the phone will be left to ring, all but the most pressing of emails will go unanswered, there will be plenty of chocolate, a bit of book reading and a little undemanding crochet. It has already got off to a good start with tea and hot buttered cheese scones
The reason I feel in need of a bit of quiet time is because lately things have been complicated on the Toby front. Not especially so with him personally but with the things related to him. He is entering a gradual transition phase where he is being passed from child services to adult ones and this means many more meetings with professionals, on-going assessments, checks and an increase in the mountain of paperwork that goes along with having a child with special needs.
This year we seem to have had more forms than ever to fill in and each time a new one arrives I have a little wobble as I know the weight of the task is far more than a few sheets of paper. One form that I filled in this year was 48 pages long. It took me over 2 weeks of thinking and planning what to write. There were tears as I recounted particularly traumatic incidents that illustrate the depths of Toby's disability and a great deal of anxiety at whether the words I'd committed to paper really conveyed the extreme challenges he faces on a daily basis. It is an all-consuming task until completed - it even intrudes on your sleep, because you know it's important to your child's future and you also know that the person who will process the form has a very different agenda to your own.
I've also learnt that words can be taken out of context and used to prove the opposite of what was meant by them. We are in that position at the moment and will have to appeal against a decision made about Toby by going to a tribunal - something which I am dreading but which is necessary to protect his rights as he grows into adulthood.
Please don't think for a minute that I am so ignorant or insular that I don't know there are millions of people all around the world in far worse situations than this. I do know that and it does make me incredibly grateful for all that we have. But we are each bound within the confines of our own existence, viewing the world from our own perspectives and at the moment a little indulgent quiet time is helping me to cope with our small difficulties.
I'm grateful to be able to find peace and contentment through playing with wool, it always helps calm me and un-fuddle my head. What do you turn to in times of stress? If you feel like sharing, I'd love to hear what helps you through your difficult days.
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PS: Thanks so much for the feedback about instagram. As suspected lots of people don't do instagram and most of those that do don't mind seeing pictures twice, so from time to time I will post photo round-ups here on the blog. I definitely won't be stopping blogging though :)
