Sometimes being a parent means that you loose your sense of self a little. You are so focused on ensuring that everyone is fed, has clean clothes, that there's milk in the fridge, toilet rolls in the cupboard and no-one has to go without breakfast because the bread has gone stale, that there's not much time for anything you might want personally. I've felt a little like that recently. It's probably magnified in our household because of Toby's constant needs and the intensity of the school holidays but I'm sure I'm not alone in feeling a little parental self-annihilation at times. Over the last few months we've had a busy time helping Amy research Unis, H has been away from home more than before as his father is very poorly and overall the balance of life has been more hectic than relaxed. I've also been listening to friends excitedly talk about family holidays and have felt a pang of envy because we don't holiday anymore (it's too stressful for Toby and so by extension for us too). It's not that I particularly wanted to go away anywhere this summer but I've realised that I do miss the excitement of doing something new, of being somewhere different and of having that sense of being on an adventure. So, earlier this week I left H in charge of after dinner parenting duties, took my backpack, camera and walking boots and drove out into the countryside.
I'm never usually out of an evening, unless it's for a school parents evening or a concert that Amy's taking part in, so just being out in the car at 7pm is a novelty for me and it did feel something like a small adventure. I drove to a local hill which has lovely views over the surrounding countryside and just walked until the sun disappeared below the horizon. I saw lots of rabbits, heaps of the big Roman snails particular to the hill, heard the alarming bark of a muntjac deer near by and saw the bats start to flit. Sadly I didn't get to see a much-longed-for barn owl but heading back towards the car I was treated to a magnificent sky overhead and bathed in a sense of well-being and calm. Although my tiny adventure was less than 2 hours long and took place only a 15 minute drive away from home it did help enormously. Sometimes you just need to be humbled under a big sky.
It has reminded me that although being a mum to an almost-adult with special needs perhaps brings more intense parenting, there can still be time for me if I can be flexible with when that can be, what form it can take and if I embrace the small and simple pleasures that exist all around us but are sometimes overlooked and undervalued. It's my plan to keep finding small and fortifying adventures on my own doorstep and I'd love to hear about what small adventures you'd choose to have - tell me in a comment below if you have time to x
