The last few weeks have been even more of a roller-coaster ride than usual here. There have been quite deep lows; Toby's challenging behaviours have been gradually worsening for a while now and the episodes of his self-injuring and violent behaviour have been escalating. He's been sent home from college on 3 separate occasions for injuring staff and I currently have multi-coloured grip bruises on both of my forearms to add to my growing collection. Like many other families caring for offspring with severe learning and behavioural difficulties, we live with the constant distressing threat of domestic violence from our own child. Working out what is happening with him is an almost impossible task and we've spent so much of our recent free time filling out ABC (antecedent, behaviour, consequence) charts and forensically unpicking details of incidents. On top of that I've had food poisoning, though happily short-lived and thankfully in the past now.
But it's not been all bad, we've had big highs too, the biggest being Amy passing her driving test first time. We are delighted for her and the newfound independence this gives her. She's now driving herself to work each day, which has made my early mornings so much easier and has given her such a confidence boost.
And as always nature is such a balm for a troubled heart so I've been out and about soaking up the peace and calm that it always brings me. Hawthorn blossom and wild roses, white nettles and cow parsley, buttercups and butterflies and so much green, more shades than have ever been named or mixed on a painter's palette. May and early June are abundant with much appreciated beauty.
I've also been visiting the long horn cattle regularly, study field trips for my in progress cow pattern, but also delightfully entertaining as they are all such characters and there are 5 beautiful calves this year.
And seeing kit the fox is always a big high for me, she often seems to turn up when I'm feeling low and the privilege of her visits lifts me enormously. And yes, she did sniff my camera lens!
There's one more week until Toby finishes college for this academic year and then he'll be off for just over 2 months so we're planning very calm and predictable routines which we're hoping will help him find a calmer place within himself. I hope to be back periodically over the summer months, but as he'll be my main focus I might not get as much chance to hang out here as I'd like.
Until next time I hope you have a good July and August and that you too find ways to temper any challenges you are facing with something that brings you joy, J x
