It's just a brief note from me today, simply to wish you and those you love a very happy and healthy beginning to 2019. I hope that your year ahead is full of many smiles and memorable good times. These are some of my memorable things from 2018 and I'm looking forward to sharing 2019 with you,
see you soon
J x
Do you find that the start of December is all about planning and preparation? It certainly feels that way here and although we don't have a huge Christmas celebration, we do like a quiet, cosy family day with good food, a roaring fire, some fun and a glass or two of something to warm and cheer. So, I have lots of lists floating about at the moment, lists for food and drink shopping; last minute presents to buy and wrap; tasks that need doing in advance so I can relax on the day, and if I don't write them down then no doubt I'll be remembering all the things that I've forgotten some time between midnight and dawn on Christmas morning.
There has been some sock knitting going on in between the list scribbling (sock pattern and yarn details here). Apart from the top border it's been easy, un-demanding knitting that I can do in the quiet of an evening without using too much brain power and so perfectly suited to this time of year. I had hoped to have my badger pattern ready for release before Christmas but it's clear to me now that's not going to happen - there's still too much to do on it and no longer enough free time in which to fully concentrate. I'll keep you posted here with progress in the new year, once I have time to call my own again.
Part of our preparations this year have been putting the finishing touches to Amy's room. When she moved out in September to go off to Uni it was a very scruffy, tired-lilac coloured, out-grown bedroom with a well worn carpet and walls that bore the pen, make-up and sticky finger marks from the growing-up years. H has worked so hard over the last 2 months, painting, laying a new floor, putting up new lights, moving shelves and generally transforming it into a bright, peaceful and relaxing space fit for a uni student to unwind in between busy term times. Hopefully she'll love it as much as I do and I can't wait for her to see it next week when I go and collect her.
The added benefit is that I get to use her new room while she's away during term times. Because of Toby's dedication to bi-phasic sleeping* I've spent the last 2 years sleeping on a sofa bed in our living room (for years prior to that it was H who was the one sleeping downstairs but we swapped when he had a bad back and needed the firmness of the bed upstairs). It means that H and I can alternate, so that one of us gets unbroken sleep upstairs while the other is on wakeful night duty downstairs. The arrangement works out for us and means when Toby is up roaming the house at night we can encourage him to lie in a bed and watch a video or two (which calms and relaxes him) and then he'll gradually drift back off to sleep. I do know that standard sleep therapist advice frowns upon screen time before sleep, but our experience over the last 17 years has been that without it Toby becomes increasingly agitated and we get meltdowns - which are a lot more stressful for us all and delay a return to sleep even further, so we've been flexible and find that watching videos in the night is the lesser of two evils.
Anyway, the plan is to ease Toby out of coming downstairs when he wakes, first by there being no bed to get into when he does come downstairs, and then by gradually shortening the length of time he spends downstairs in the night. Hopefully over time we'll eventually be able to encourage him to spend the whole night in his own room, that's the long term goal anyway :)
Right, I'm off to jot a few more things on my lists. I hope your season of planning and preparation is going well. See you soon, J x
*Sleep disorders go hand-in-hand with autism with bi-phasic or multi-phasic sleeping patterns being the most common. Bi phasic sleeping is where the person goes to sleep for 3-4 hours, wakes for 1-2 hours and then sleeps again for 4-5 hours. Research suggests that bi-phasic sleeping was the norm for most people prior to the industrial revolution and there are many descriptions noted in historical literature.
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November days seem to have sped past me here, and although I've been busy with lots of different things I don't seem to have much to show for them, though I have managed to snap a few pictures along the way. Autumn has peaked, with all it's golden glory and the trees have seemed particularly spectacular this year. Our November highlights have included misty mornings; sudden storms; golden leaves and golden skies; wood walks; sock and mitten knitting; comfort food casseroles and the first fire lighting of the season.
Yesterday was the start of meteorological winter and it does feel like autumn is now over. Most of the leaves now lay strewn across the lawns, and the winds have turned chilly and persistent. It's a good time for curling up in a cosy spot and knitting warm things and I have been mostly knitting socks and mittens. I was so taken with this 'golden praline' colour that I'm using it in two separate projects and knitting from either end of the skein at the same time, not something to be recommended as it does lead to lots of bad words being uttered at the terrible tangles that develop. The pattern for the socks is 'Lucky me socks' by Pia Kammeborn and the mitten pattern is 'Alfredo gloves' by Suzanne Stallard. The yarns are all The Uncommon Thread tough sock, and I've paired the 'golden praline' with creamy 'manuscript' and dark, moody 'cobble'.
My thoughts are now turning to celebrations of the winter solstice and Christmas and I'm looking forward to having our family all together again when Amy comes back in a couple of weeks. I've felt a little quiet and melancholy of late, so all of the sparkle, warmth and fun of late December and the New Year will be very welcome. I hope to be around here a little more over December days, so hope to see you again soon. Thanks as always for dropping in to visit with me.
Well, as expected this weekend has been odd. Amy and I set off with a fully laden car at 8ish yesterday morning and by 9.30 were carrying the bags and boxes containing all of her worldly goods up the 2 flights of stairs to her room on the top floor. We unpacked everything and made her room cosy and nice; sorted out all of the necessary admin; picked up her wristband for Fresher's week events; topped up her student card with her first weeks worth of money; had some lunch, and by 2pm she was all sorted and ready for me to leave. There were big hugs but no tears, because this is the start of an exciting adventure for her rather than a sad parting of the ways, and then I was on my way back home again. It wasn't until I was driving back up our road that the tears came for me - I think arriving back home without her brought things into focus. It's feeling odd here today - I keep expecting her to come skipping down the stairs in search of a snack and, as expected, it will take a lot of getting used to. We've been texting lots and will no doubt continue to do so, and the odd feeling will slip away as we adjust to the new normal. Fresher's week sounds like a lot of fun so hopefully she'll have a great time and settle in well.
There are so many things that I should be doing at this moment, most of them involving tidying up the house after the long summer months of not really bothering, but I am not quite sure where to start. The long list of tasks in my head, all vying for equal importance status, are tangled like the yarn in my workbasket and refuse to form an orderly queue and be committed to paper. So instead I'm procrastinating and knitting simple cabled pink wrist-warmers with beautifully soft Shalimar breathless in 'velvet slippers' and flipping through the new issue of Creative Countryside.
Perhaps, after a few days of faffing around and allowing myself to get reacquainted with being able to choose how to spend my own time, a plan for tackling my chores will come into focus. There are bunnies waiting to be finished too, all dressed up for spring, as I had planned to list them in time for Easter earlier this year. That's rather indicative of how this year has been; time ticking and trickling through my fingers; plans made and not realised - I need to give myself a stiff talking to - but not until I've knitted a few more rows and had another cup of tea.
Each time I glance at my left hand I think of my girl, and what she's doing at this moment. We've had these matching rings for a couple of years now (bought from the lovely Wild Fawn jewellery) - though mine is no longer a perfect circle as I occasionally catch it on the freezer drawer! And I like the fact that it reminds me of her and makes her feel close at hand still.
Well hello again, long time no see! The school summer holidays finished on Tuesday of last week, when Toby went back to school but to be honest I was feeling a bit exhausted, so I took the rest of the week to curl up in a quiet corner and knit socks. The long school break over summer always requires a lot of energy but this year it has been especially challenging, both physically and emotionally. It sounds like I'm complaining, but I'm really not - it has been a good summer for us. It's just that by the end of 7 weeks of full on Toby time I feel like a yo-yo and am looking forward to just being able to sit without needing to jump up and get a snack, run a bath, find a toy, swap a dvd or any of the countless little things that Toby constantly needs doing for him.
He has also kept me busy with lots of walks and our new favourite activity - cycling. We've found a special needs adapted cycle hire centre about 10 miles away and have had great fun cycling a side-by-side tandem around the sailing lake there. I do the steering and braking and Toby just helps with the pedalling - though it feels like he's 'glass cranking*' going up the hills and only putting any really effort in on the downward slopes when he just wants to go madly fast!
*glass cranking - a cycling term meaning to rotate the pedals without actually applying power, but trying to hide this from those you are riding with.
On the emotional side Amy had her A level exam results, which were initially a bit of a nasty shock for her, as she fell quite a long way short of her predicted grade in one subject. After conferring with her teacher and putting in for a re-mark she now has the grades of A, B, B - not quite what she'd hoped for but good just the same. It's a useful learning experience for her and hopefully she'll put her disappointment to good use and resolve not to leave anything to chance as she embarks on her degree course in two weeks time.
Oh, it feels so odd writing that! It's going to be a big change for us all at the end of September with Amy going off to Uni and living on campus (in a rather lovely en-suite bed study room with a kitchen shared with 6 others). She's only an hour away by car so is able to come back for the odd weekend if she wants to. I'm not yet sure how to feel - cohabiting with a strong willed teenager who doesn't want your advice thank you very much; leaves the new bathroom that her Dad spent weeks re-decorating in a soggy mess; helps herself to the last of the ice-cream and wakes the whole house up at crazy o'clock in the morning can sometimes make you feel like you won't miss her a great deal, but I suspect that all of that will be forgotten once she's left and I'll be very much missing her wry sense of humour, her company on movie nights, her frequent hugs and the sound of her beautiful singing through the ceiling as I sit here typing at the computer.
When she was born I remember feeling completely inexperienced and unprepared as a parent, despite all of the preparation and classes, and I feel the same kind of bewilderment now she's about to begin her independent life. The difference is that her future is now firmly in her hands and no longer in mine. We raise our children with the hope that they'll grow into capable, independent individuals and will no longer need us, but I'm not yet sure how to dial down my impulse to protect, to educate and to shield her from the worst that the world can inflict. It will take some getting used to I think.
Change is all around here and the seasons are shifting into autumn. I'm so looking forward to some solitude in the woods over the coming weeks - they are at their most beautiful under a golden autumn sun. And being able to wander at my own pace; to sit and listen to the birds in the treetops; to stop and get down on my hands and knees to look for toadstools and maybe take a photo or two will be something I very much enjoy.
Well, thanks for popping in to visit. I'm looking forward to posting regularly here again very soon, hopefully see you again then.
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Pictures above were taken at Hatfield house, July 19th 2018