Little Cotton Rabbits

A summer round-up

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hello hello, long time no see.

I’ve been holding off writing until things felt settled with Toby’s new routines in the hope that I could be all positive and upbeat. And for a few weeks at the end of July it did indeed feel like we were heading into calm waters, but just recently things have got a little more choppy again.

We did have 3 day care sessions of roughly 6 hours each in place for Toby to attend at 3 different lovely settings, and he did seem to be gradually adapting to them, but last week he hurt a member of staff at one of them and so obviously they can no longer have him, so we're down to 2 sessions per week, one on a Monday and one on Wednesday. He's so big and strong and coupled with being easily upset and unpredictable this makes it very hard for others to care for him whilst keeping everyone safe, and there is simply a dire lack of suitable provision for those like Toby with more severe learning disabilities and challenging behavioural issues.

This does mean that we’re having to rethink everything in a way that works for us all, and it’s taking some getting used to. My brain keeps saying ‘don’t worry, you’ll have plenty of time to get things done in September’  and then I have this weird, almost dizzying sensation when the other side of my brain reminds me that there is no more school or college, there will be no extra time, this is how things are now. It is most disconcerting.

It also means I’m having to plan out how I can keep running little cotton rabbits as a business, as working on patterns, answering emails and blogging will all have to be fitted in to less time than I had originally planned for. I’m currently making lots of lists and ranking my weekly parcels of time into high and low value blocks so that I can work out what I can get done and when.

All is not despair though. As always Toby is very happy to have his long lie-ins and daily walks with either of us, and he’s been very calm and happy on his full days here at home, so that remains a thankfully big positive in all of our lives.

These are some pictures from some of our walks together, despite many years of trying Toby still does not like me stopping to take photos on our walks, so I have to squeeze them in whilst he's naturally distracted. The countryside around us is still very green, though signs of a seasonal change are starting to creep in, with more seed heads than flowers out in the meadows and the first fungi springing up in the undergrowth. We’ve had the usual August mix of sunshine and heavy downpours, so some glorious skies and a few double rainbows have been beautiful overhead sights.

Knitting here has been restricted to one scarf and a few pairs of socks, mostly because my brain has needed very simple projects during this transition time. I'm hoping to start pattern writing again this coming week and will keep you posted of any progress.

Lastly Bluebell, our one remaining hen, succumbed to old age at the end of last month, she was nine and three-quarters, a most respectable age for a chicken, we brought her and two others to live with us in March 2015 when they were point of lay, so a few months old. We’ll not have more I think, there’s a feeling of wanting to pare down and simplify life as much as possible here, but I will miss having animals to tend to, especially as the foxes seem to have currently disappeared from the garden, as they so often do at this time of year.

Well, I will be back here on the blog, not sure when yet, but hopefully at least once a month or so, so until then I hope all is well in your own little corner of the world, thanks as always for stopping by to visit with me, J x

 

Endings and beginnings

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

June brings early summer here in the south of England. Not that you'd know it from the recent weather though; chilly winds, frequent rain showers and a distinct lack of sunshine have meant it's been feeling much more like March and I've not yet put away the winter woollies. I'm not really complaining though, cooler temperatures are more conducive to knitting and to long country walks, and thanks to the unseasonable weather the countryside is still clothed in the bright, verdant green of spring. The early spring flowers have though given way to the summer ones; meadows of delicate grasses sprinkled with ox-eye daisies, verges of cow parsley and hedgerows of elderflowers, bramble flowers and dog roses, all so very pretty.

Back at home I've been slightly obsessed with knitting jeans for some reason, having switched my colour focus from greens to blues. This indigo dyed cotton yarn (Scheepjes Skies light) is perfect for knitted jeans and when it's washed the colour leaches out a little (though it's leaching during knitting too, as you can see from my hands) and you can give a little extra rubbing to the knees so they look a little worn in.

Since the start of the year I've been dreading the arrival of June. Over the last 18 years, whilst Toby has been at school and more recently at special needs college, we've built safe and comfortable routines that help him to manage the everyday things that everyone else does without a second thought. He's had somewhere to go that helps to fill his time with some meaningful activities, giving him experiences he wouldn't otherwise have had and providing us with much needed respite time in which to work, rest and recharge. Tomorrow is the very last day of 'full time education' for him and what comes next is as yet untested, unknown and uncertain, which is never a comfortable place to be when autism is a factor.

I began this blog in 2006, on the day before Toby started school aged four years old, and in some ways it would be fitting to finish writing here today on the day before he finishes college and we begin a new chapter in family life. It is something I've thought about, simply because life is about to get more complicated and free time will be more limited, but the truth is I'm not ready to go just yet. Putting together this blog encourages me to contemplate all that is positive in life, to go out and take pictures, to sit quietly and edit them and to write about my small and simple adventures and love of knitting. And when I have opened up about the struggles we sometimes face, you - my community of blog readers, have never failed to generously gift me words of kindness, compassion and wisdom, I would miss doing this and all of you terribly. So I'm staying for now, though service may be disrupted for a bit whilst we find our feet and forge new routines.

Well, I'm off to do a little quiet and calming knitting, I hope that the rest of June is kind to you, hopefully see you soon, J x

 

May days

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

May has been a beautiful month here, with just the right mix of sunshine and rain showers to provide perfect growing conditions. As a result the countryside is now abundantly green and lush with new growth. At the orchard I was a little late to see the apple blossom in all it's glory this year, by the first week of May most of it was just confetti on the grass, but the forget-me-not carpet under the trees was in full bloom and in the small wood the wild garlic was at it's pungent best.

Back at home we've had some new garden visitors. Most days we see a couple of red kites but on one day this month there were 20 or more of them circling directly overhead, it was quite a sight. We've had lots of small birds on the feeders, the robins busily feeding their family, along with blue and great tits, sparrows and goldfinches. This little blue tit fledgling was resting in the bush after the exertion of leaving the nest, hopefully he made it.

I've embarked on a 'befriend a crow' project and it's going well with this intelligent bird now recognising my signal for food and flying down to claim it once I'm back in the house. We've named him Edgar Allan Crow and I'm interested to see if he'll eventually trust me enough to fly down whilst I'm still outside.

And, most excitingly of all, we have 2 new foxes visiting daily. Though this is tinged with a little sadness, as it does mean that Kit is no longer around, either having been ousted from her territory again or having passed away, I would not like to say for certain which, seeing as I have already once written a eulogy for her only to have her reappear. These two new vixens are youngsters, their muzzles as yet unscarred by fighting and catching prey, (Kit and Kira both had quite scarred muzzles). They are either den mates or perhaps sisters, as they arrive together and mostly tolerate each other in the garden, though there is often some loud squabbling over food. The larger and most beautiful of the two is Kenzie who has a very sleek, glossy coat and light golden eyes. Katsue is the smaller vixen, with a sweet quizzical expression and a cheeky personality, though sadly she does seem to have a damaged leg which she cannot bear weight on but otherwise this does not seem to trouble or impede her. Obviously I have taken about a million pictures of them, so I will most likely write a blog post about them in more detail soon.

It's been half term week here this week and now there are only 3 weeks until Toby finishes his 'learning for living' college placement. We've still not managed to fully fill his week going forward, but we have found 2 fabulous outdoor settings specifically for adults with learning disabilities which have welcomed him with open arms, one on a community allotment and one on a small holding, plus there is one other setting which is prepared to offer him a 4 week trial period. I'm so grateful that we at least have these to help fill his time now that college is finishing.

See you soon with probably too many fox pictures :)

PS: I've updated the previous post with details of the winner of my lamb giveaway (number 213 which is Gretchen), I'm not able to concentrate well enough for pattern writing right now and instead I'm enjoying making finished animals so I do hope to have more giveaways this year, I'll keep you posted, J x

 

Easter Break and a bit of a re-set

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Firstly I wanted to say sorry for being so downbeat in my last post, usually I'm able to find a bit more balance and positivity. Thank you so much to everyone who took time out of their day to comment or send me a personal message. Your kindness, compassion and wisdom have warmed me so much, your own personal stories that you shared with me have given me courage, and I'm feeling enveloped in a collective hug. Thank you for your generosity of sprit, I am deeply grateful, J x

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At the beginning of April it was the two week Easter break from college and so we had Toby here full time, and do you know what - it's been a good time.

During this time I've not tried to do anything at all other than meet his needs and potter around without any aims whilst he's been busy watching his dvds or looking at his picture books. We walked every day, rain or shine, and those have been some of the best times, when he's been at his most relaxed and happy. And when he's happy, we're all happy, my wellbeing is definitely deeply intertwined with his.

These days of 'down-time' have made me rediscover something that I've lost hold of in recent years, and that is that meeting Toby's needs is not the problem. The difficulties actually arise from trying to fit in everything else.

I've realised that I've fallen into bad habits with work. The first thing I do each morning is check and respond to my emails and messages while my pot of tea is brewing. Checking and replying to emails is the last thing I do before bed too, and I'm often typing as quickly as I can when I hear the last strains of Richard Scary's 'best silly songs ever' dvd at 11pm, which is what Toby has watched for the last 20 years as his last dvd before bedtime (autism dictates a rigid and reliable routine). I don't usually have any set daily downtime, and as a result I'm often trying to concentrate on things that need my full attention whilst Toby is around. Inevitably I'm interrupted, loose my train of thought, and get grumpy and frustrated, and as a result nothing gets done as well as I would like.

When you work for yourself, especially if you work from your dining room table, the lines between work and home are blurred. It's hard to give yourself permission for time off and all too easy to keep the pressure up to keep doing more. I don't yet have a firm plan of how to tackle this, although to begin with I am going to try to put some 'office hours' in place to try and regain a little balance in my days, but I'm now certain that I do need to change the way that I'm currently doing things in order to stay well and be able to care for Toby long term. It's a long overdue realisation and I'm glad it has finally dawned on me, hopefully it will help going forward.

Since he returned to college last week I've been spending a lot of time thinking, some of it out in the bluebell woods, and it's been beautiful and peaceful out there. I've also been working on a little pattern writing and am getting closer to finishing off my spring lamb too, I hope to have her ready for a giveaway in the next few weeks.

I hope that there's some goodness in your days at the moment, and if things are a bit wobbly for you, I hope that you soon find the beginning of a path leading to better days ahead,

J x

 

March

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

March has been full of extra challenges here, a two-steps-forward one-step-back kind of month.

Amy went into hospital for surgery on her complicated wisdom teeth, which required a general anaesthetic and, for someone with quite intense anxiety issues, this was very difficult for her. We're proud of her for coping, and she's now recovering well.

Planning for Toby's life after college has been an adventure in stress management, and as yet is still unresolved. My mind is a cacophony of worries about his future and the impact that has on all of our lives as H & I grow old. And Toby has been struggling to cope recently and has had to stay home from college a couple of times after injuring staff. With all of this to juggle any hope of me being able to concentrate on a task like pattern writing has completely gone out of the window. In fact I can't seem to concentrate on anything fully at the moment. I can't even choose a shade of green to finish my Spring lamb and instead have managed to start a rabbit and a bear, flitting around with my knitting too.

The other day I sat down with a notepad in front of me a tried to write a list of things that would promote some calm happiness in my life and all I had on my list was 'going to the woods'. Going to the woods is enough for now, those quiet solitary interludes help me to top up my batteries just enough, but in truth I long to have something more exciting to look forward to with eager anticipation. It would be so liberating to wake up in the morning and think to myself, 'what shall I do today...?'; to do something on a whim without meticulous planning to fit around other people's schedules; over even simply to choose what time I go to bed at night, when to take a bath, or just to be able to sit and concentrate on something, anything, without constant interruption in order to meet someone else's needs.

But that is not my lot, and so I must choose to either wallow in self-pity or try to embrace the gifts that each day can bring if you look hard enough. I'm coming to realise that since I cannot change my circumstances the thing that I must change is my mindset and have started reading 'A Book for Life: 10 steps to spiritual wisdom, a clear mind and lasting happiness' by Jo Bowlby and I really hope it delivers on that tantalising title.

Happily being out in the countryside always does bring me pleasure, and there are many small joys out there now that Spring is arriving: the gradual building of bird song each morning, each week a little louder and with a few more voices, gathering towards the full beauty of the dawn chorus that comes in April; wild daffodils and wood anemones nodding in the spring breezes and the field boundary hedgerows now clothed in cloud-like blackthorn blossom. And I am grateful for the small sustaining pleasures of seeing the beauty of nature.

I hope that you're finding some moments of peace and pleasure in your days too, J x