Little Cotton Rabbits

sweeties!

Firstly I want to say a humongous thank you for all of the kind and compassionate comments I've had recently. When I'm feeling a bit low I'll read through them all again as I know they'll always lift my spirits and I do feel very privileged to have such generosity and warm-heartedness sent in my direction. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Our half term break was over relatively quickly - probably because we made the conscious decision to keep very busy. The plan was to exhaust Toby by day in an attempt to get him to sleep through the night but boy is he stubborn and he still hasn't slept a full night this year. We're tweaking dosages on the melatonin and continuing to try out everything we can think of including amended bedtime routines and weighted blankets.

Anyway, in the course of half term keeping busy I did a lot of driving and during a particularly bad traffic jam on the M25 Amy and I decided that our car was not really properly equipped for long journeys - there were no sweeties in the car, not even a three year old, dust covered toffee lurking at the back of the glove compartment! Obviously this needed remedying quickly and we headed off to our local Mr Simms Olde Sweetie Shoppe - what an emporium of delights!

I got all nostalgic over chocolate limes and aniseed twists as we always had a sweetie tin in the car on childhood holidays. We finally settled on acid drops, fruit rock, butter mintoes, sherbert fruits and butterscotch and we found the perfect sweetie tin (part of a set) so we're now properly equipped for our next road trip.

Have a sweet weekend won't you x

a bunch of stuff

I've been reading blogs for 6 years now and I thoroughly enjoy it. I'm especially drawn to creative blogs as I love the mix of real life and crafting that makes each of my favourite blogs personal and unique. I've never though felt the need to leave any unkind or callous comments anywhere - it seems un-necessary because if you come across a post you don't agree with you can simply click out and visit somewhere else, after all reading a blog or leaving a comment isn't compulsory is it?

I wonder then what compels someone to reach out with bitterness and leave a spiteful comment like the one left for me last week? I think I'd have felt rather ashamed at having written something like that in the attempt to shovel a little meanness into someone else's day. My personal view is that such comments always reflect far more badly on the commenter than the person that they're aimed at.

Anyway, let's not dwell on the crappy side of blogging.

 

Here I've been feeling foxy, although I still haven't managed to knit a whole one - I seem stuck on heads but the bodies will no doubt follow along. I'm feeling impulsive in my knitting at the moment and I think it's something to do with having that lovely new yarn to try out - it's hard to leave it just sitting there waiting to be used!

On the Toby front much is unchanged but I'm filling in lots of charts about sleep patterns, ABC behaviour charts to record and analyse his frequent meltdowns and lists of what worked to calm him at a particular time. This will all help in an upcoming meeting with the educational psychologist and it makes me feel better too because I feel like I'm doing something positive to help him.

 

I'm signing off for a week or so as next week is half term break. Hopefully when I come back spring will have sprung and I'll find you all feeling happy and frisky! Have a good week all!

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_{*An 'ABC' chart can be used to record behavioural concerns. 'A' stands for antecedents, ie what occurs immediately before a behavioural outburst and can include any triggers, signs of distress or environmental information. The 'B' refers to the behaviour itself and is a description of what actually happened during the outburst or what the behaviour 'looked' like. The 'C' refers to the consequences of the behaviour, or what happened immediately after the behaviour. It can also include information regarding other people's responses to the behaviour and the eventual outcome for the individual. In addition, it’s a good idea to keep track of where and when the behaviour occurred to assist in identifying any patterns.}

woolly wonderfulness

Thanks again to everyone who has left me such kind messages over the last few weeks. I was hoping to write a fabulously glowing post about the wonders of melatonin but unfortunately the reality hasn't quite matched up to our expectation. Things are however slightly improved as the melatonin is having a positive effect at bedtime - Toby has been settling to sleep much more calmly and at a more reasonable time (between 9.30 - 10.30pm most nights). The effect is short lived though as he's still waking every night around 5 hours after going to sleep. Most nights he's been awake for around 2 hours before settling back to sleep but this morning he decided to start the day at 3.36am so he'll hopefully be a tired little bunny later (as opposed to a grumpy one!).

I've stayed in my jammies again today and have curled up with my needles and some rather scrumptious new wool...

 

Pure merino yarn, kettle and hand-dyed in toast, violin, cinnabar, beige and rich chocolate (wouldn't it be great to have a job dreaming up yarn names? I don't think I'd have settled for beige though, I'd have preferred cookie dough or shortbread).

It's good that knitting is not especially taxing as I think it's about all I can manage after such an early start. It's lucky too that I've made so many bunnies over the years as if I do doze off shortly I could probably carry on knitting them in my sleep!

 

onwards and upwards

All of the meetings to try and get some help for Toby have now taken place and we have some new strategies to implement - things that give increased structure and predictability to Toby's day which will hopefully lessen some of his anxiety. Our appointed social worker is lovely and very easy to talk to and she will continue to see us over the next few months and monitor our situation before deciding whether respite is appropriate or not. Toby's teacher and speech therapist are continuing to provide daily feedback and ideas and the paediatrician recognised that Toby needs some help to manage life at the moment and has prescribed melatonin to hopefully help him settle and get a good night's sleep. This is potentially the most impactful development for us right now as we're all exhausted from almost a month of only a few hours of sleep a night punctuated by extremely stressful episodes of tantruming from poor Toby. The prospect of a full 8 hours is pure bliss right now and I'm looking forward to getting the prescription through (hopefully in the next day or two).

So life here is looking more hopeful again and things are starting to feel manageable once more. Even my little hyacinth bulb is echoing the mood of optimism and is now in full bloom.

In terms of feeling postitive and optimistic, a little retail therapy never goes amiss does it? I'm normally drawn to shoes of a reddish nature but it was love at first sight with these spring green ones and I'm liking the thought that they're walking me back to happier times.

Thanks so much for all of the kind messages and sorry to everyone who is still waiting on a reply from me. I'm slowly working to catch up a little and things will hopefully speed up further once sleep has worked it's way back into our schedule!

a little hope

Thank you so much for all of the wonderfully caring and supportive comments and emails, it really does lift my spirits to read them.

Although there has been no change in Toby's extreme behaviour I am feeling a little more hopeful that we are moving towards some changes to help both him and us cope. Tomorrow we are having a visit from social services who are coming to assess what of the available respite options might help our situation. On thursday Toby's teacher and speech therapist are coming for a home visit to observe and suggest ideas to help him manage his increased anxiety and, thanks to the school, we have been able to step into a cancelled appointment to see the paediatrician next tuesday.

So, it feels like things are moving in the right direction and that people are understanding the extreme nature of Toby's increased distress and it's impact on Amy and us. I am daring to hope that these meetings result in some practical help for our little family as it feels like life is on hold for us at the moment.

A friend sent me a quote yesterday which resonated for me and I share it now in the hope of helping anyone else out there enduring difficult times, because we all have them don't we?

"You don't know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice that you have" (source unknown)

If things are hard in your life at the moment, I wish you strength and the blossoming of a little hope for you too.

moody knitting

Thanks for all of the good wishes for a better night's sleep. It's yet to arrive I'm afraid but I've no doubt that it will at some point down the line. Sadly though it's only one of the aspects that are making life with Toby hard at the moment. His anxiety, repetitive behaviours and aggression are all off the charts and at the moment life feels like tiptoeing around an unexploded bomb, constantly hoping that nothing triggers it to go off!

One of the hardest things to face as a parent is to have to say 'I'm not coping with my child'. It's uncomfortable to say the least and I suppose we're quite lucky to have got through 9 years with a severely autistic child without having to make that call. Things have shifted though and with Toby's increasing size and strength and his inability to contain his rages and anxiety we've had to ask for help. I've made some calls to various professionals which will hopefully result in some respite care and exploring medication and therapy options to help him with his anxiety. It will be a slow process as the next available paediatrician appointment isn't until April but it feels good to have started the ball rolling so to speak.

Anyway, as an antidote to all of that I'm been furiously knitting. There are bunnies, mittens, cakes and scarves all on the needles at the moment - I'm working on the basis that the more knitting you have on the go the less time there is for worry ;)

I'm really pleased with this scarf that I've just finished. The yarn is so beautifully soft and flecked with little touches of different blues and the pattern is very easy (a simple 4 row repeat) and very pretty when finished.

Pattern: Little Leaf Scarf by Sivia Harding (free pattern)

Yarn: 'Moody' handpainted Alpaca silk sport weight by Old Maiden Aunt Yarns bought from Loop

Please bear with me if you've emailed me recently and have not had a reply. I'll hopefully be in touch soon x

Dawn

One of the things I like about this time of year is that you don't have to get up at the crack of dawn to get up at the crack of dawn, if you get my meaning.

Sunrise at this time of year is at a civilised hour and there's no nicer way to start the day than with a cup of tea in bed watching a glorious sky. It sets you up nicely for the day - especially when you've been up for 4 hours in the night because a certain young man finds sleep a challenging concept these days!

a splash of colour

I'm a little late in joining Silverpebble's splash of colour but I'm missing the rich colours that we had in autumn and the sparkle of Christmas time so a little splash of colour is a very welcome thing.

 

My little splash is a colourful jar of new micro buttons ready for sewing onto bunny clothes (just need to make the bunnies now!). There's lots of lovely bright and cheerful images over on the flickr group.

belated happy new year!

Thanks for all of the good wishes over Christmas. Toby did find it very hard this year but there were some fun times with family and friends. We're slowly clicking back into our familiar and comforting term-time routines here and there is at last a little knitting time creeping back into my days. While I continue to settle back into day to day stuff I thought I'd leave you with some of the things that made me smile in 2010...

What were your happiest parts of last year and do you have any resolutions or hopes for this one? My only resolution for 2011 is to step into each day and look for the best in it, to let the past go and not to worry about the future. Anyway, whatever your hopes and dreams for this year, I wish you a happy and healthy year.

Have a good one!

I'm signing off for the rest of the Christmas break - keeping my little lovelies occupied and reigning in Amy's increasing excitement is now a full time job. I just wanted to wish you and those you love a very merry Christmas and a happy and healthy start to 2011.

Hope to see you in the new year x

teacher's pressies

This year I was really stumped about what to do for the teacher's presents. It doesn't help that between the two children there are 11 teachers, helpers and therapists to send presents to. Anyway, I'd done well with decorations for the bags having crocheted some sweet little snowflakes (very easy and quick) from a free pattern on Attic 24 but I was still feeling uninspired about what to actually put inside the bags. Thankfully you can always rely on bloggers to provide the perfect inspiration and thanks to a post on Soulemama which led me to Orangette our bags are now full of peppermint bark...

... our tummies too - it took a lot of trimming to get the block square ready for cutting!

I used 6 bars of Green and Blacks white vanilla chocolate and 3 bars of dark 70% cocoa (each 100gms), a teaspoon of peppermint essence, 9 tablespoons of double cream and 4 smashed up peppermint candy canes.

I followed the recipe although I did cheat and melt the chocolate in the microwave (on low setting). I spread the first layer of melted chocolate on a sheet of washable, reuseable teflon (I use this for all my cookie baking) and it just peeled off easy as anything at the end.

Chopping the block was hard and I got lots of uneven shapes. I may have made my layers too thick and the chocolate was splintering a bit but I think that adds to the charm of a homemade gift and the really mis-shapen ones just had to be eaten!

I'll be scouring the shops and stocking up on peppermint candy canes so I'm ready to make more of this next year. It's very easy and great for children to help with and is a hundred times nicer to make than the candied chestnuts I slaved over last year. It is also absolutely delicious!

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PS: Thanks for all of the kind comments about my mittens on the last post. All three pairs are based on exactly the same pattern (a very generous free pattern at that) Endpaper mitts by Eunny Jang (which I can now recite in my sleep having made eight pairs based on it). I've written up my modifications over on ravelry so you can see what yarns I used and which different stitches.

knitting by the fire

I still haven't ventured out into the crowds of christmas shoppers, I'd much rather be right here...

...knitting mittens. The top left ones are for my Dad (made with yarn gifted to me a while ago by the lovely Michaela). Last christmas I'd only finished one and wrapped it for him with the promise that the second would follow shortly and suddenly here we are 12 months later! You will get your pair of mittens this Christmas Dad! The other two pairs are for me because you can never have too many mittens!

Anyway all this mitten knitting has led me to resort to internet shopping for our most of my present buying and our Christmas food and drink. I just hope that the deliveries don't get stuck in Christmas snow! I'm remembering an episode of The Good Life where Margot's entire christmas delivery didn't arrive. I do hope I won't be saying 'Christmas has not been delivered to this house' on Christmas morning!